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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753378">The Greatest RWBY Crossover Ever Of All The Times.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyMrJack/pseuds/HeyMrJack'>HeyMrJack</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cars (Pixar Movies), RWBY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Crack, Humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:20:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,461</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyMrJack/pseuds/HeyMrJack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jaune Arc was chilling like the biggest professional e-sports player ever, he suddenly comes face to face with everyone's lrod and savior, Lightning McQueen who comes to him for help to avenge his family and fight against ISIS. Will Jaune Arcington Man fight ISIS along with McQueen? Yeah, he will, so read it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>All of them. Every single relationship ever</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Greatest RWBY Crossover Ever Of All The Times.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>AUTHORS NOTE: This fanfiction was made with the simple purpose of generating humor (or at least attempting to) and also poke fun at the RWBY community (and myself). however it does contain material that may potentially be offensive to some readers. If said material may disturb/offend you then please, turn back now and go read something else.<br/>Also, while this fanfiction may contain references to </strong> <strong> <em>certain</em> </strong> <strong> creators/writers, this does not mean you should go harass/bother them.</strong></p>
<p>
  <strong>Thank you, and enjoy.</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>In the Realm of Cars or whatever</strong>
</p>
<p>Lightning McQueen was very happy. On this very fine day, August 5th, 2020, he had once again won the race wars.</p>
<p>"God, I can't wait to go home and see my wife and kids!" he said with the widest grin ever of all times.</p>
<p>Yes, Lightning had a wife and he had 5 kids. Little Stanley, Lightning Junior, Hamster On A Wheel, Brendaniel's wife, and he couldn't forget Bernie Sanders Junior!</p>
<p>"I should call my family and let them know I'm coming, of course I got to stop by my favorite fast-food chain, ShakeAndBake!" Lightning proclaimed as he took a left turn and as he did so, began using his bluetooth communications device that he had installed INSIDE HIS BODY (cause this is cyberpunk now) and began calling his wife.</p>
<p>
  <em>Ring ring ring<br/>Ring ring ring</em>
</p>
<p>"<em>Hello?" </em> Lightning's wife, Tohno Shiki spoke.</p>
<p>"Hello, my beloved wife. I have won the race against all the cars in the land and I am coming home but before I come home, I am stopping by ShakeAndBake. Would you like anything, my sweet honey bunches?" asked Lightning</p>
<p>"<em>Why yes, me and the kids would love some delicious snackywackies from ShakeAndBake!" </em>Shiki replied.</p>
<p>"Alrighty, sweetie. I'll make sure to get you and the family some delicious meals!" said Lightning.</p>
<p>And thus, Lightning McQueen continued driving off cause he was so cool like that. All the other cars went wet at the sight of him and his beautiful red paint or whatever. It was like seeing The Second Coming of Christ the very first time, thats how good and high quality it was.</p>
<p>In a matter of minutes and after performing all kinds of cool turns, there McQueen found the shiny sign that said "ShakeAndBake!"</p>
<p>He entered the restaurant and saw there weren't that many people.</p>
<p>"Oh my god, its Lightning McQueen!" cried one person.</p>
<p>"Holy shit, is it really? I gotta get his autograph!"</p>
<p>The people that were there however, went wild as soon as they saw him.</p>
<p>"Lightning McQueen, my name is CriminalRodent and can you approve of my super cool FateXCall Of Duty crossover? I copied and pasted the entire transcript from the last mission of Modern Warfare 3 into my sixth chapter, isn't that so cool?" he cried.</p>
<p>Lightning however, did not think this was cool. This was plagiarism!</p>
<p>"KACHOW!" he cried and soon blasted the shitty writer out the window. The crowd gasped, seeing this awesome display of power.</p>
<p>"Wow that was so cool, Lightning!" cried the crowd.</p>
<p>AND THEN THEY ALL CLAPPED!</p>
<p>Lightning then went up to the register, cause he was a good citizen of The United States Of Cars.</p>
<p>"Welcome to Shake And Bake, we'll roast your mom and kill your dad for 5 dollars a pop. My name is RoachMan99999999, what can I get you?" the man at the register asked as he began drinking an entire gallon of Monster Energy™️</p>
<p>"Why yes, I would like the finest most delicious snackiwackies for my entire family. We all eat canvas, by the way." said Lightning.</p>
<p>"Alright, whatever." RoachMan99999999999999 replied.</p>
<p>Twelve minutes later, Lightning got his delicious canvas sandwiches for his entire family.</p>
<p>"Mmm… sweet delicious canvas," he said.</p>
<p>Lightning then paid for his delicious meal and went off his merry way, leaving ShakeAndBake and went on his way home! Using his bluetooth device, he called his wife once again.</p>
<p>
  <em>Ring<br/>Ring<br/>More ringing</em>
</p>
<p>"<em>H-Honey?"</em> cried Shiki. "<em>There are men in the house, please get back here!"</em></p>
<p>"OK, sweetheart. Just have the kids with you-"</p>
<p>"<em>Honey… Bernie Sanders Junior is dead!" </em>shouted Shiki</p>
<p>Lightning's eyes widened, his heart practically stopped… his favorite child, the most successful child was…</p>
<p>Was dead.</p>
<p>"Nooo!" he shouted.</p>
<p>Then, Lightning McQueen began racing off at the speed of sound, he had to get home, before things got worse!</p>
<p>He drove…</p>
<p>And drove…</p>
<p>Until he found his house, in flames!</p>
<p>"Zoo wee mama, I gotta save my famiwee!" cried Lightning McQueen. He then moved to his burning home, quickly entering inside.</p>
<p>"Honey! I'm here," he cried. He then maneuvered through the flames and began trying to find his beautiful family… but all he found were soldiers with big guns!</p>
<p>"Hello, we are ISIS and we want you Lightning McQueen." said ISIS.</p>
<p>"Yeah? Well fuck that!" Lightning replied who then went KACHOW! And then the ISIS Man died!</p>
<p>Lightning continued to look around. He had to find his family, but as he searched, he saw the truth…</p>
<p>His family was dead.</p>
<p>His wife Shiki Tohno was sprawled across the floor, and it looked like a bunch of coyotes tore into his children, stole five dollars from their wallets and then left.</p>
<p>It was absolutely disgusting.</p>
<p>"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" shouted Lightning in horror. "I'm so sorry my sweet family… if only I didn't spend so much time buying canvas and throwing shitty authors out of windows!" he cried.</p>
<p>After about five seconds of mourning, Lightning was completely over the death of his entire family and he soon left his home and now, he needed a plan.</p>
<p>ISIS was after him for some reason, he didn't know why. Maybe it was cause he stole all their booze in 2015, or maybe it was cause he had beat all the cars in the land of Cars. He couldn't be sure, but what he did know for sure was…</p>
<p>They were after him, and they wanted his head on the shiniest prettiest pike around and thus he had to stop ISIS cause Lightnng McQueen was the good guy and he had to fight against ISIS cause they were the bad guys, but before he could do that…</p>
<p>He needed help.</p>
<p>You see, before becoming a <em><strong>GOD </strong></em>at racing, Lightning was a chronicler of all the things and he knew of one man who could possibly help him in his quest to kill ISIS.</p>
<p>Jaune Arc. The man who performed all the cool things in the world of RWBY, he slew Cinder and Salem with his iron clad shaft and he beat up all the bad people cause he was Jaune Arc, nothing needed to be explained. Simply by being Jaune Arc, Jaune Arc had led Remnant into a new era of peace- a Golden Age, if you will. He even eradicated homosexuality, because that was a big no-no in Remnant despite there already being gay characters in RWBY, but it was what Jaune's father, Monty Oum would have wanted of course.</p>
<p>So, Lightning drove once again.</p>
<p>He drove so fast, in fact he was the most fastest thing in the universe and he sped off into the world of RWBY!</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>The House Of (the recently deceased) HeyMrJackOff (Fuck that guy he's such a big dummyhead)</strong>
</p>
<p>Jaune Arc happily fucked HeyMrJack's mother while he snorted cocaine.</p>
<p>"God this is so good!" cried Jaune as he continued smashing Jack's mum with his 9001 foot long erection. It was so good, it was <em>really</em> fucking good. I, the narrator used the term "fucking" so you the audience already know just how cool this action was and can also laugh at how incredibly funny I am because I used a swear word.</p>
<p>After that Jaune busted a nut the size of Mt. Rushmore and left the building and he suddenly got a phone call from his scroll.</p>
<p>"OH JAUNE BARKSALOT THE DOG PLEASE COME BACK TO BACON ACADEMY PLEASE!" cried Chief Executive Officer of Jaunele Industries Pyrrha Nikos. "THERE'S BEEN SUCH A TERRIBLE THING AND ITS JUST SO TERRIBLY!" she cried in all caps.</p>
<p>"What do you mean Pyrrha? I literally just defended Bacon Academy from Cinder Fall, her mother, Salem, Epic MoonMan and also The Gods Of Light and Darkness and I murdered them all in 4K resolution thanks to The Dragon Balls and me becoming Ozpin 2.5." replied Jaune.</p>
<p>"NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND JAUNE! THERE'S A RED CAR ROAMING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND IN THE CLASSES YOU GOTTA STOP IT!" screeched Pyrrha at about 900 decibels.</p>
<p>A red car? Jaune thought. Yes, that was indeed the most terrible of all the terrible things and it needed to be stopped.</p>
<p>So, using the powers of GODJAYSUS, Jaune instantly turned into a bird with three wings and went off at the speed of sound, flying to Bacon Academy.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Bacon Academy in HD</strong>
</p>
<p>Jaune Arc dropped down into the courtyard of Bacon Academy and there he saw a red car, zooming around at the speed of sound <em>just</em> like Pyrrha said.</p>
<p>"Good <em>god</em>," said the godly huntsman as he gazed upon the sight. It was just… going in circles, fighting the huntsmen who were very stupid and were just so bad compared to the god that was Jaune Arc.</p>
<p>"KACHOW!" cried the car.</p>
<p>Instantly everyone was sent flying 900000000000000000 feet and pretty much got killed by Lightning McQueen.</p>
<p>"NOOOOO!" said Jaune as he witnessed the sight. Those huntsmen were his friends!</p>
<p>Using his divine powers, Jaune sent over a hundred energy blasts at the car who was sent flying throughout Bacon Academy and he swiftly flew over to the vehicle but before he could land the final blow, the vehicle spoke,</p>
<p>"Please don't hurt me! I attacked only in self defense because those people said my Soundcloud aint worth shit!" the vehicle said. "My name is Lightning McQueen and I came from another world seeking the aid of the mighty and powerful Jaune Arc so he may stop the threat known as ISIS and save my world from their evil clutches!" said Lightning.</p>
<p>"Why do you need my help?" asked Jaune, now understanding the vehicle.</p>
<p>"Because, despite my Kachow being my most powerful of moves I cannot stop them all by myself, I need the assistance of someone as divine as I am." said Lightning McQueen. "They murdered my sweetheart, Shiki Tohno and also murdered my kids, including Bernie Sanders Junior." he explained.</p>
<p>"Aight, I'll help." replied Jaune, who felt sorry for the poor car.</p>
<p>"Alright then… then you must come inside me, Jaune Arc." said Lightning.</p>
<p>This confused Jaune. What did Lightning mean?</p>
<p>"W-What?" the young man asked.</p>
<p>"<em>Come inside of me, Jaune Arc."</em> McQueen demanded.</p>
<p>"Um… OK," said Jaune, visibly uncomfortable by this demand. He then opened Lightning's door and quite literally went inside of him.</p>
<p>What did this mean for Lightning? To be honest, I don't know. He's a living racecar, and he has a human inside of him. Use your imagination I guess, my writing isn't good enough to explain this insane situation.</p>
<p>Anyways, they went the fuck off to fight ISIS.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>THE WORLD OF LIGHTNING MCQUEEN</strong>
</p>
<p>Jaune stared at the sight, it was such a terrible sight like holy crap it was the most terrible thing he had ever seen in his entire life, it was <em>that</em> bad oh god I, the narrator cannot describe just how bad it was it was just that terrible just oh no man ya know?</p>
<p>Either way, Jaune got out of Lightning McQueen's organs and gazed at the destruction. There were the corpses of dead car men, dead car women, and dead car children too! ISIS were animals!</p>
<p>And Jaune <em>hated</em> animals.</p>
<p>Then he heard guns being raised, and as he heard that he realized he was soon face to face with ISIS soldiers, all of them wielding AK-47's that they bought thanks to Amazon Prime.</p>
<p>"Yo bro ya'll better have your hands the <em><strong>FUCK</strong></em> up," said one ISIS man.</p>
<p>"Lightning, are these guys ISIS?" asked Jaune.</p>
<p>"Yes, so we must fight ISIS!" replied Lightning</p>
<p>So they fought ISIS.</p>
<p>Blasts were thrown, guns were fired but in the end, Jaune and Lightning McQueen were prevailing against the forces of ISIS.</p>
<p>"MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!" said Jaune as he slammed his fists into the ISIS man and killed him instantly.<br/><strong>A/N: I'm putting this JoJo reference in because its funny, its funny right? Also this Author's Note is so important it </strong><em><strong>has</strong></em> <strong>to be put in here because I'm the narrator and I'm super important also.</strong></p>
<p>"KACHOW!" said Lightning McQueen and as soon as Lightning said that…</p>
<p>ISISMAN SUDDENLY DIED!1111111</p>
<p>The ISISMen were then defeated, killed by the almighty gods that were Lightning McQueen and Jaune Arc.</p>
<p>But as soon as they thought they were done, they heard laughter from the east, from their 12:00 PM, from their starboard side!</p>
<p>They turned their heads and soon saw <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>The most terrible of all the people. The worst person to ever exist, in fact <em>fuck</em> this guy he's by far a disgusting pile of shit and unfunny as hell. Honestly, he should go ahead and kill himself via shoving a knife up his ass.</p>
<p>It was <em><strong>HEYMRJACK </strong></em>who was known for being the biggest hack of all time from Fanfiction dot net and The Qrows Nest (Trademark).</p>
<p>He waddled around like a Waddle-Dee from Kirby, every step the 1337lb man <strong>AN:I said 1337 as a meme that's still relevant right?</strong> made the Earth beneath their feet shake and the stench…</p>
<p>It was <em>god awful</em>.</p>
<p>"ITS TIME TO DIE JAUNE ARC AND LIGHTNING MCQUEEN!" cried Hack as he ate a chicken sandwich that he ordered two years ago from Chick Fil-A. "YOU ALL THINK YOUR BETTER THAN ME? WELL GUESS WHAT, YA'LL AINT SHIT!" he screamed.</p>
<p>"Wait a second, weren't you sent to Writers Hell for being a whiny-" Jaune said, until he was interrupted by HeyMrHack.</p>
<p>"We don't ever TALK ABOUT THAT!" Jack said, screaming like a high pitched little girl at 3000000 decibels. The monster of a man then whipped out the most terrifying device ever… a water gun. "Now then, Lightning McQueen and Jaune Arc… you must die because I am evil and because that is what evil people do!11"</p>
<p>"Ohh no!" both of them shouted.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>WILL JAUNE ARC AND LIGHTNING MCQUEEN KILL HEYMRJACK? WILL ISISMAN TRULY DIE?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>FIND OUT NEXT ON THE GREATEST RWBY CROSSOVER EVER OF ALL THE TIMES</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Also please send help, I have a hard time writing nowadays, I'm struggling putting out the next chapter of my terrible HaloXRWBY fic and all I do is shitpost in Discord. Please, for the love of god send help.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Also follow me on Twitter at HeyMrJack33. That's right, I'm doing this self promotion bullshit.</strong>
</p>
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